Time And Time Again

Time and time again I wonder.

I find myself wondering thinking if I will always be alone.

Is it because I’m afraid to once again be hurt.

Or is it the fact that I’m afraid to hand over the control.

 

Time and time again I fear.

I fear that maybe it is my destiny to be alone.

That I will always be on the sidelines.

That I was designed to help others find what I cannot.

 

Time and time again I hope

I hope that there will come a time where I am truly in love and not just think that I am.

That when do fall in love that he’ll feel the same.

I hope that I will find some one that will try their hardest to understand my life

 

Time and time I search

I search for the one.

My other half.

The man that will keep the key to my heart save,

The one who will love and hold me when I don’t want to be

 

Time and time again I find

I find myself in the arms of the men that are full of lust and not love.

In the arms of those who can’t be trusted with my secrets.

I find myself falling in love with the same type

The ones who make me feel like I am truly a god.

The ones that betray once they have gotten what they want.

silence

I have a flower in my hand asking it if he loves me or not.
I have asked him the same question, but I get no answer.
The Answer I seek is within his heart, and the answer I assume is in my mind.

I can no longer stand the silence between us.
But every time I speak to him I get no reply.
How long will this silence last; how long can I not talk to him.

Only time and patience will tell.
So I have no choice but to wait.

Homage to MYYY hip

Do you know the muffin man.
I sure do he gave me two great muffins
sweeeeeet chocolate
on both hips
Some call them handles, but where's the teapot
you hold me tight, then let me go
'Cause I'm too hot just so you know

THERE'S A HOLE IN MY SIDEWALK: Autobiography in five short chapters

THERE'S A HOLE IN MY SIDEWALK
By: Portia Nelson

I
I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in my sidewalk.
I fall in.
I am lost...I am helpless.
It takes forever to find a way out.

II
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don't see it.
I fall in again.
I can't believe I am in this same place.
But it isn't my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.

III
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in my sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in...it's a habit...but,
my eyes are open.
I know where I am.
It is my fault.
I get out immediately.

IV
I walk down the same street.
There is a hole in my sidewalk.
I walk around it.

V
I walk down another street.

Open your eyes... and see

Open your eyes
See the light
Light the world with bright memories
remember those who stand beside you
open your eyes
and look around you
see the beauty of the world
Nature
smell the blooming flowers
hear the whisper of the wind
embrace all that surrounds you
lay on the grass, and open your eyes
look at the sky above
look and wonder
wonder about what lies above the shape shifting clouds
Now... Open your mind
open it to all the possibilities of what could be
without thinking about the how
Just open your eyes

I know where I want to go
But how am I going to get there
Right now I don't care, I've already been there
just so you know.

I just want to be left alone
There is nothing that can change my mind
I'm tired of being left behind
Just to let you know... I think its the best that I go

I need to go, leave me alone
I can't take the pain, and it's driving me insane

leave me alone
I need to get away, I'm going tomorrow if not today
Don't try to stop me because you can't anyway

So just leave me alone

The smile you see is a mask, but I dont know how long it will last
Trying to hide things of my past, but remembering that my scars will always last as I look at my body that show the past.

Send me away, way from my past.
because I can't stand the truth cause its coming so fast

I hear you

I hear you
loud and clear
its kind of hard not to
It doesn't matter how much i scream or how loud my music is
I can still hear you
Your always interupting
My thoughts conversations and..
EXCUSE ME
SHUT UP
now where was i oh yeah.. and music
Always leaving me in lost conversation.
Always repeating,repeating
like a voice recorder, recorder
rewind play, play rewind
I hear you
Loud and clear

Clank Clank

Clank, Splash, Clank
Every morning around the same time, i go for ran unusual community bath with a bunch of Kix.

Silence,Clank,clank,SLience
Up,Down,Up
THe almost never ending playful dunking
Being consumed then spit out again.

Scrap, Scrap, Paulse
The journey has ended
But i continue to slave away, trying to dig a impossible hole.

Slip,Clank
Into the shower line i go
Waiting to be washed like everything else.

Get away
Out of my face
Back away, I need some space
Inhale, exhale
I need to breathe
Breathe away my midnight past
Turn away,break away from the mirror
That reflects only my dark past as I look to it for comfort
I smile to all who walk by, deceiving them all with my happy mask
A mask trying to hide my internal scars, and distracting you from seeing the external
The mask that I wear is cracking from the unbearable pain in my mind, body,heart and soul
And from these cracks bleed the truth
I bleed the things that I have been hiding for so long
The bad and the ugly
The Angry and the sad

Weight on my shoulders
Thoughts on my mind
Buzzing in my ears
voices saying the same negitive things
cutting no longer helps
The pains in my mind
not in my vains
so I scratch
and scratch
trying to transfer the pain
to the only place that still feels
so I scratch and scratch, grab and rub
Until it goes red sore and raw.
and I continue the process
Until the weight has been lifted
or just a little
maybe

If I should Wake Before I Die

If I should wake before I die.
I'd tell my mother not to cry.
I'd her she did nothing wrong
thank her for being there when I felt alone.

If I wake before I die.
I'd tell my father this is not goodbye.
Ad don't even think to cry, but wipe to tears from mothers eye.
I'd let him know that he was not only an amazing father but a loyal friend.
And that eventually you will see him again.

If I wake before I die.
I'd tell all my friends just to try.
Try to learn from my mistakes and be happy no matter what it takes.

If I rise before I fall.
I'd tell the world to stop it all.
The fighting, lying, cheating and war because no good is coming out of it at all

If I should wake before I die
I would just sit and wait
And as I wait I will be thinking --------------

Alice in wonderland

Trying to get out
out of mind
Out of sight
Out of the way...
But which way
Right way? Wrong way?
This way?That way?
Getting lost in the world
Not the World we know but, a world of my own.
Welcome Alice, to my Wonderland
The land of wonders, hopes, dreams and chaos
The land of confusion
With twists and turns
Bends and bridges
Mis-leading signs
No clock so no time
So out of time
Out of mind
But no oout hof the place called Wonderland

C's of Chaos

Creating Chaos
Childish Choices
Continuous Challenges
Constant Conflict
Controlling Craziness
Conquering Calculations
Calculatng Confusion
Choices
Changing Chores
Choosing Causes
Choose Carefully
Correctly
Constantly
Constant Caution
Creates Chaos

"M"

Mangles Minds
Mindless Moments
Monstrous Mistakes
Meaningless memories
Magnetic Maneuvers
Marriage
Many men Measure
Measure Manliness

There is a black hole in my heart called Mike.
A parasite living on lust
I listened to your every wish and dream
but that just wasn't enough

I cried
Not only because you broke me but because I gave you my heart.

I saw you wanted to comfort me, Tell me you cared
But I kept turning and walking away
letting you feel my pain.

I acted like you wherever you are were was a empty space.
But in the end you are there with your faulty flirting and deceitfulness.

You are a danger to all females that cross your path.
I have made a mistake that many will, but in the end I will have learned

Walls

The walls you put up are so thick, so strong
cemented
blocking the true you

The walls you have put up has destroyed us both.
you won't let me in and you cant get out.

What are you so afraid of...
That you feel the need to hide.

Is the truth so horrible?
Is it really that bad?

The walls you put up, must be knocked down, like a Berlin Wall.
But I have know idea how

The Place I Live

The place i lve is a state with many desires
A city with lost hope.

The place i live is a borough with friends, people, places to go, But also so many shared and connected conflicts.
A street with acquaintances and friends but no secrets.

The place i live is a house with a pleasent welcoming exterior
But a family walking on eggshells.

In the place i live there is a bright young child with the right ideas, but the wrong approach.
A lost soul waiting to be found.

And in the place i live that child is me.

Remember

Remember that rnight about to week ago, we were sitting on the couch and you wouldn't let me go.
Remember that night when we were kissing passionally, you you didn't want me to leave.
Remember what you said to me that night,how you loved me and that you always will.

What a lie, how could you lead me on, I gave give you my all. yet ypoou left me with nothing
We were going to intertwine as one but it never happened.
But im glad because three days later, you reunite with a ex of yours, but not me.
REMEMBER DO YOU REMEMBER.
HOW COULD YOU FORGET.

A thing called love

There's a thing called love.
I have heard that it is a wonderful thing.
But i have never had the joy of experiencing it in its entirity.
I have had short glimpses of this thing called love,
crushes, likes, fancies but none are close this love.
Love is told to be joyful, overwhelming, and life changing.
I have experienced all these at one time but not all at once and I'm told its not the same.
Love is the four letter word that brings much pain.
What is this "great" thing called love and when will i find it?

Grotto

I am your grotto
Within my walls you can tell me anything.
Your wants, needs, rants, dreams, stories, poems, and thoughts
I will not judge
I am here to only listen
with me you are pure and can do no wrong
I will never leave you
I am your grotto

Little World, Big Reality

Lost in myself. my own little word
where everything is perfect and im a beautiful girl.
In my world everythings fine. Beautiful clouds, happy sunshines.
No problems, no worry, just peachy and sweet.
Everything organized,everthing neat.
No crime, no hate, always keeping the peace.
What a queer world says the back of my mind.
Now here come reality.
My world is now at its dark end.
Here comes crime, chaos, pain, and no beauty.
Bitter reality.
But here it is so bold, so real.
With all the murder, hate, selfishness, and sin.
The beauty of our world has been hidden under a dark dark blanket of negitivity